BuzzFeed Sports breaks down the first round with jokes. Tons of jokes.
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1. New Orleans Hornets — Anthony Davis
Jack: It's not just that he has a unibrow. It's that he has a unibrow that looks like the Hollister logo. The fifth season of Tremé is going to be about the city dealing with having to look at his face.
Kevin: Happy that the NBA now has two players who look like Muppets.
Ben: Incorrect. Chauncey Billups also looks like a Muppet.
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2. Charlotte Bobcats — Harrison Barnes
Jack: Wait, you mean Michael Jordan might reach on a player who played basketball at University Of North Carolina? I'm shocked. Shocked, I say.
Kevin: Harrison Barnes revealed his college decision to the COACHES via a public Skype session. Dick.
Ben: I split Knicks season tickets with a bunch of people and I somehow ended up seeing the Bobcats in two of the five games I went to this year. I'm not the world's greatest negotiator.
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3. Washington Wizards — Bradley Beal
Jack: I love how everyone is so quick to compare Beal to Ray Allen when he shot 34% from 3. 122 players in the NBA shot better than that last year (at least 50 attempts) . One of them was DJ Augustin. That's not a good sign.
Kevin: More like Bradley MCBEAL. That was a show.
Ben: The Wizards' own nickname always seems like it's mocking them. As in, "who were the basketball wizards who came up with THAT idea?"
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4. Cleveland Cavaliers — Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
Jack: MKG is exactly the kind of player that Michael Jordan the player would have loved. So of course Michael Jordan the owner hates him. As a Cavs fan I'd be ecstatic to get him here.
Kevin: Kidd-Gilchrist is an NBA-quality name, at the very least. Plus, he had the benefit of being "that great freshman on Kentucky who doesn't look like an exotic bird."
Ben: Expected to improve as a scoring threat once someone tells him he doesn't have to play every game on his hands and knees.
Image by LUCY NICHOLSON / Reuters